sugar donuts and a rest
December 23, 2009 § 8 Comments
The PET scan is the top dog of all scans – minus the dog. Dogs will be covered in a upcoming post entitled “my daughters surrogate.”
Prep for a PET scan, is strikimgly similar to the low carb, high fat South Beach diet.
In the case of a PET scan, you replace 12 ounce cans of Coke Zero with an 8 oz can of mint flavored canola oil infused with a nuclear tracer. For those of you concerned about the ill effects of artificial sweeteners, rest assured, more research dollars are spent on irradicating calories than cancer – drink up.
My technician for the scan was the young and studly Andrew (or was it Aaron?) . We became fast friends. I offered my blood and in exchange, he promised to start his toxic elixor. But it was simply a tease; infusion interuptus. There were technical difficulties with the machine and technicians would need a couple of days to repair it.
I was ok with that. I had plans to go to DC for business the following day and any surprise, good or bad could wait.
I was relieved, I was sedated, and I smiled for this picture below.
I returned a couple days later to the imaging clinic. Greeted tenderly by none other than Andrew (or Aoron). And, having made it through the better part of the week mostly coherent and often charming I doubled my dose of valium and slept soundly in the sugar donut.
Reality is tough, but the unknown, a black hole of horror. That said, Marty and I wanted the diagnosis asap. We arriving uncharacteristically early we took advantage of some free parking. A little know trick I had gleaned from my daily rdx excursions.
It was delightful to be welcomed with enthusiastic hellos. The kind of hellos that suggest pleasant outcomes.
I brought chocolates just in case the ornery crew required some softening. But nothing sweeten the blow.
True, a single 2 inch tumor is far better than the multiples we had feared. Unfortunately, this particular 2″ mass reared it’s ugly head inside of mine close to critical organs like my spinal cord and brain.
Everyone was so busy with upcoming holiday schedules and the “real” emergencies at hand, that coordinating a biopsy was yet another hassle. Yes, BA Cancer was the most likely candidtae, at the same time its presentations without mets and in my skull suggest good news would be in short supply. I have officially crossed the line to pessimist. Then again, I havbe been up since 4a, somewhat uncomfortable and burning multiple batches of cookies.
The relentless pressure on my head and neck is a constant reminder of the alien within.
How do I feel? My head hurts, my humor is dark and I thank god my friends and family have not yet bored of my stories, tsoris and tears.
The other evening I had a crying fest with my 9 year old. She shared that she was sad that I had cancer again, that she would miss my walking her to school daily and picking her up on a regular basis. Guilty and pained I missed her already.
My compassionate child did her best to comfort me. “It’s not your fault you have cancer again mom, I love you.
Tell it to the gods, and to the wind and to the forces of nature over which there is not an once of control