since you asked

November 24, 2006 § 10 Comments

For the moment, I am wallowing in my diagnosis. Consider a car bomb in the middle of a family picnic. I’m there, but I am also looking on. Very much an out-of-body experience. Do I salvage the tuna salad, or collect my family and huddle beneath the largest tree I can find and under a down comforter?

Am I upset over the possibility of losing a breast? Not really. Though I reserve the right to change my mind the day after. I’ve had a terrific pair for 48 years and am willing to fly solo or add a cup of silicone down the line.

My girls have given me and many boys great pleasure. One taken down while it’s stock is still high is not the worst thing in the world. No chance of future sagging. Stick a bag over my head and a potato sack past my belly and I pass for 30, quite possibly 28. An instance where not breast feeding was a very good idea.

I am anxious about removal of some number (tbd) of axillary lymph nodes; filtering glands. The same glands that can get swollen and sore and messed up when messed with. I have come to depend on the Brita filters in my left armpit.

Some of you know that I have spent the better part of a year and the cost of a small used car on a personal trainer getting back in shape after suffering from a herniated disc. The thought that my triceps will be back to square one, and my biceps more blabber than buff, pummels me.

Remember that episode of General Hospital where the patient wakes up only to learn that a portion of her brain was removed? Surgery scares me. Like all of us, I have a few secrets and I’m worried about being outed once opened. They will certainly find a broken heart.

While I can stomach almost anything, I buckle at the thought of my daughter seeing me ravaged by chemotherapy and it gets worse from there. So much for keeping things close to the chest. It’s all dandelion pollen on a windy day now. If your allergies are bad, you might very well tear up.

Since I may never win an Academy Award and have the opportunity to publicly thank Marty for his amazing support.

Marty, I love you, thank you. And to Karen, Mize and gang, your Thanksgiving dinner rocked as did the leftovers.

This too shall pass. Gam zeh ya’avor.

Momo

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§ 10 Responses to since you asked

  • Nina Schwarzschild says:

    Momo, thanks for sharing this with us. xoxoxoxoxoxo

  • Mize says:

    Mo,

    We loved having you all.

    We are thankful for you, your zest, and all of the rest.

    m, k, m, t

  • Karen says:

    I love you.

  • Joel says:

    momo,

    We’re thinking about you every minute.

    xoxo

    Joel, Kate, Zack, Eva

  • LB says:

    Momo you’re amazing strong vulnerable blossoming funny and rich. Especially rich. You have gathered up so many good friends. I love you.

  • Gail says:

    Hey Sis,
    You are an amazing mother, sister, aunt, neice, cousin, friend, lover etc. You have always been there for each of us – lending support or advice, even a few bucks! Whatever was needed. Know that we will be there for you, too. In whatever way you need. Put us to the test. It’s our turn to lend a hand.

    Sending you healing/loving energy,
    Gail (& Suzy & Rose)

  • Rick Beyer says:

    Momo, it’s so like you to be shy and uncommunicative. :)It’s difficult to know whether to laugh or cry reading your blog, so I guess the correct answer is both. As you know, I’ve always thought you were a pretty hot number, and I don’t guess that’s going to change in any fundamental way. As my son Andy used to say: “I love you, I love you, and I put you in the love.”

    Cheers!

    Rick

  • Rebecca says:

    Well Momo, if anyone can fight through this its you. You are a strong gal and damn determined. Tits are overrated anyway. Here, take mine.

    Love and kisses and hugs.

    Rebecca

  • Lynda Brown says:

    Over and over, for the years i have known you, you have overcome, achieved, not only survived, but thrived!

    All that training never goes to waste: your body will recover better, withstand these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune better, and will remember where it left off, and return to itself again …with the assistance of your patience and perseverence. O.K., the patience will be really tough. Love, Lyndabeth

  • bruce says:

    marilyn,

    there is an awful lot of love out there for you. here is a little more from baltimore 🙂

    bruce

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